Putting More Joy into Your Everyday Life

“Live in the moment!” bumper stickers cry. “Live in the now!” self-help books declare. Movies like The Bucket List preach the importance of living life in all its fullness before your time on earth is up. Embracing each day of your life as a cherished gift, and each person you love as precious.

And yet, no matter how easy it is to talk about counting our blessings, cherishing our families and living in the light, it still seems to be one of the most difficult things to do.

All we get is this moment. But “being in the now” is easier said than done, right?

Missing the Best Part of the Ride

A lot of us remain mired in the past and fixated on the future. We fail to open our eyes, ears, senses, and hearts to what’s happening right here, right now. The intimacy of a relationship we’re in. The beauty of nature around us. The prosperity we enjoy.

Or, on the other hand, we’re wired to go go go; there’s just no pause or stop buttons built into our software. We are “runners,” moving in ten different directions at once. We’re escape artists, slipping away almost invisibly from the here and now. As a result, we blow right past life’s most precious moments and miss the best parts of the ride!


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Overcoming Our Addiction to Non-Stop Activity and Diversion

Until we overcome our addiction to non-stop activity and diversion, and until we figure out how to pause, experience, and savor the moment — rather than running and escaping — we’re never going to receive life’s richness. We’re never going to be satisfied. We’re never going to feel a sense of gratitude or peace. We’ll just keep rushing on to the next thing — the next “fix” of activity — and justifying it as necessary.

Joy is a muscle. If you don’t learn to flex it, the best parts of your life are going to pass you by. And this is not just a cliché! It’s a reality!

The Way We Really Win

Putting More Joy into Your Everyday LifeWe’ve all heard the expression, “It’s about the journey, not the destination” — meaning the true joy in life comes from the process of getting to where you want to be. Unlike what our overly competitive society tells us, the one who enjoys the race is even more of a winner than the one who crosses the finish line.

Olympic skier Bode Miller has gotten a lot of flak for demonstrating this attitude. In interviews from Vancouver 2010, he talked a lot about doing the best he could and being happy with his performance. Sure, he wanted to win gold, but that wasn’t his only goal. And this is from the guy who’s considered to be the greatest American alpine skier of all time!

The media jumped all over Miller in the last Olympics because of his laid-back attitude. He was criticized for his apparent lack of competitiveness — his “come what may” attitude.

The same thing happens in professional football. The New Orleans Saints win the Super Bowl in 2010, and Colts’ quarterback Peyton Manning is sitting in the locker room in utter despair. He’s so destroyed that he doesn’t want to talk to anyone.

It’s as if all his success up to that point — how brilliantly the Colts played the whole season — was negated. Because if you come in second, you might as well have come in last. Or as famed coach Vince Lombardi put it, “Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.”

Suffering from Self-Imposed Feelings of Failure?

How many of us suffer the same self-imposed feelings of failure? We never become president of the company. We write ten books but none of them ever hits the jackpot. If we have kids, we aren’t paraded out in front of the PTA as Mother or Father of the Year. So we feel like we failed; like we weren’t good enough to really “make” it.

But what about the acclaim you deny and deflect? How about all the praise you are entitled to for being an excellent employee, a brilliant writer, a loving wife, a wonderful parent? It doesn’t matter if you never got any plaques or trophies.

Validation, adoration, and glory are cool, don’t get me wrong. (I still have a trophy I got in high school.) We all need an occasional “’atta boy.” But counting on somebody else to tell us that we have been a good parent, employee, or spouse, or that we’re “winners,” is too often a setup for disappointment. So how do we really become (and go out) winners?

Learning to Bless and Approve

By stopping and acknowledging our own value and achievements, we learn how to bless our lives. And not just at the end, but over the course of them. Unconditionally. For better or worse. We did the very best we could at the time. And we did well! Instead of waiting for a stamp of approval from the world, we can approve of ourselves.

Changing some of our criteria for what constitutes a real victory or success is not always easy. Learning to give credit and approval to ourselves is not always a simple matter. Changing the scoring system takes time and practice, but it’s well worth the effort. And in the end, it’s the only way to come out a real winner.

Excerpted with permission of the publisher,
Hay House Inc. www.hayhouse.com©2012 by Ken Druck.

Article Source

The Real Rules of Life: Balancing Life's Terms with Your Own by Ken Druck.The Real Rules of Life: Balancing Life's Terms with Your Own
by Ken Druck.

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About the Author

Ken Druck, author of: The Real Rules of Life--Balancing Life's Terms with Your Own.Ken Druck, Ph.D., is one of the nation’s pioneers in personal transformation, having broken fresh ground in male psychology, executive coaching, organizational consulting, parent effectiveness, healing after loss, and, most recently, the art of turning adversity into opportunity. Since founding The Jenna Druck Center in 1996, “Dr. Ken” has become a lifeline for thousands of families who have suffered a loss. He is often called upon to assist in tragedies such as 9/11, Columbine, and Hurricane Katrina. Druck Enterprises, Inc. (DEI) is a leading coaching, consulting, and team-building firm with a broad base of clients including Microsoft, Pfizer, IBM, the San Diego Union Tribune, and the YMCA.